Ouch!You have to see this to believe it, courtesy of Central Florida’s Channel 6. Apparently, this poor kid got stabbed in the brain with a Leatherman tool that was thrown 15 feet by accident that happened to hit him pefectly in the head, narrow missing a major blood vessel.
Again… Ouch!Courtesy of the web-comic, Loserz:
I had no idea that nice girls could be so… so… evil!My online buddy, KT (The Miserable Bitch With A Broken Heart), has posted a hilarious blog entry about a new line of toys: Northern Virginia Barbie.
Here’s a cut ‘n paste of it…
Mattel recently announced the release of Limited-Edition NoVa Barbie dolls for the Northern Virginia market:
McLean Barbie:
This princess Barbie is only sold at Neiman’s in Tysons II. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired dog named Honey, and a cookie-cutter house. She despises the traffic, but is sure that someday Tyson’s Corner will be the new downtown Chicago! Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with “augmented” version.
Falls Church Barbie:
This modern-day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar minivan and matching velour gym suit. She gets lost easily and has no full time occupation or secondary education. Instead she’s taking an online course in Easy Spanish to learn to communicate with her neighbors. Traffic-jamming cell phone included, headset sold separately.
Manassas Barbie:
This recently paroled former “Porn Actress” Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a methlab kit. This model is only available after dark and can only be paid for in cash. Preferably small, untraceable bills. Unless you are a cop, then we don’t know what you are talking about. Her boyfriend Ken works at the local sleazy tattoo shop and prefers her to stay blonde.
Great Falls Barbie:
This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her own Venti Starbucks cup, Visa Platinum card, and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You won’t be able to afford any of them. See you on the bottom 9!
Reston Barbie:
This former Dot Com Barbie cashed in her options before the bust and now “works from home doing freelance consulting” until the kids get older. She comes with a huge dream house on a tiny lot, and she channels her formidable energy and intellect managing the extensive social and athletic activities of her three kids, each of whom plays two sports, takes piano and karate, and is on the chess club. A member of the PTA, this Barbie is famous for running her daughter’s Brownie troop like a Fortune 500 company (“Do we really have a solid ROI on Girl Scout cookies?”). Her greatest personal accomplishment this year was outmaneuvering the other uber-mommies to be
selected as Room Mother for her son’s second-grade class. She comes with AOL Ken, accessorized with a Porsche, giant gas grill, and flat-screen TV equipped with Tivo.
Woodbridge Barbie:
This paler model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR shirt, and Tweety Bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Coors Light and a Hank Williams, Jr. CD set. She comes with a Hooters uniform, and a bottle of hair bleach. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken’s ass when she is drunk. Select dolls come with prefered black boyfriend Kendall, complete with oversized white tee and chains to his knees. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a HOTTIE bumper sticker absolutely free.
Sterling Barbie:
This collagen-injected, rhinoplastic Barbie wears a leopard print bikini outfit and drinks cosmopolitans while entertaining friends at the McMansion. Careful taking this one in the bathtub, her bottle tan might streak. Percocet prescription available.
Leesburg Barbie:
This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased Beer-Gut Ken out of Fontana Barbie’s house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, plenty of hairspray and a see-through halter top. Also available with a mobile home.
North Arlington Barbie:
This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair,
archless feet, hairy armpits, no makeup, and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her “Willow”. She does not want or need a Ken doll, but you if purchase two North Arlington Barbie’s and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag sticker for free.
South Arlington Barbie:
This Spanish-speaking-only Barbie comes with a 1984 Toyota with expired temporary plates and three baby Barbies in the back seat, but no car seats. The optional Ken doll comes with a paint-bucket lunch pail and is missing three fingers on his left hand. Green cards are not available for South Arlington Barbie or Ken.
Fairfax Barbie:
This multicultural Barbie takes classes at GMU or NOVA on Mondays. She takes advantage of all the happy hour deals Fairfax has to offer. She loves 1/2 priced burgers at Brion’s Grille on Tuesdays. On Wednesdays, she gets 50 cent tacos at Carlos O’Kelly’s. She frequents Patriot’s Cafe for cheap pitchers of Miller Lite Barbie-Sing-a-Long Karaoke on Thursday nights. Friday night is spent at TGI Friday’s until South Arlington Ken arrives and buys her a drink. She doesn’t remember Saturday night, except for cussing out a Fairfax County Police officer at a checkpoint on Rt. 123 & Braddock Rd. Sundays are set aside for church service, homework, and Campus Ken.
Kidding aside, I found an article on washingtonpost.com about thieves stealing the doors off of cars. From TFA:
…
“It’s hard to find a used door for Camrys and Highlanders, because owners keep the cars for so long,” said Jason Martinez, a damage adjuster for Geico.
So the streets become their marketplace.
…
One victim walked outside his home in Flushing about two weeks ago to find the back door of his Highlander snatched from its hinges in his driveway. Nothing else was missing.
Martinez, who handled that victim’s $5,200 insurance claim, said he examined the SUV at the repair shop of a Toyota dealership. While he was there, he saw another Highlander and a Camry.
Each of the vehicles had a back door missing, and the driver’s side lock had been popped. He mentioned the bizarre crimes to his colleagues.
“Oh, you got one of those, too?” a co-worker asked.
A repairman at the Queens dealership said the spate of stolen doors is reminiscent of similar crimes in years past, when thieves targeted xenon headlights and air bags from all makes and models.
The repairman, who spoke on the condition that his name not be used, said Toyota doors are easy to remove. “The manufacturers make cars easier to take apart so they’re easier to repair,” he said. “It doesn’t occur to them that they’re also making them easier to steal.”
Merry Christmas (a day late) everyone!
Okay, so I changed the “lol” to “k” ’cause I didn’t want to piss off the (apparently sorta militant) atheists who sell t-shirts with this image. Interestingly enough, I actually thought the original image wasn’t all that bad! Perhaps I just see the glass as half full, but hey… for what it’s worth, I tweaked it a bit to convey the hopeful message I wanted to express this Christmas…