I was browsing through Amazon.com, and it recommended something bizarre to me — a book entitled “Your Disgusting Head: The Darkest, Most Offensive and Moist Secrets oOf Your Ears, Mouth, and Nose” .
Dr. Doris Haggis-On-Whey is a genius, and I applaud her for writing this compelling text.There are some fascinating facts revealed in this book — for example:
Your breath smells bad because you’ve been eating food that smells bad. But what makes food smell bad? Aha! This is where you need my help. When you put your nose to certain foods, they may not initially smell bad — and in some cases they might even smell good. You might pick up an apple, which has a fresh scent, much like raccoons and ballpoint pens. But what causes the apple, once in your mouth, to smell so not-good?
The fact is that the bad smell comes from you. Every time you put food in your mouth and start chewing it, you get that food all excited, and a chemical reaction takes over in that food, which causes it to make a bad smell. In short, you chewing makes the food sweaty. Like, armpit sweaty. You see, eating food is the most natural and common way to make foods secrete their personal body odor, or PBO. Now food PBO is sometimes rather obvious — cheese that smells bad smells worse when sweaty — but there are some food-PBOs that smell different than would be expected. Did you know a raisin’s PBO smells like the teacher’s lounge?
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Other fascinating topics covered in this monumental text include:
- Why Does My Mouth Hate Eating Ice So Much?
- What To Do When Your Eyes Run Out
- How To Become Better Friends With Your Gums
- The Sickening Fluids That Fill Your Skull
- Who Is The Lunatic Who Designed Your Ears?
…and many more gems of wisdom. Awesome book. I give it eleventeen stars out of five, and that’s a lot.