Archive for April, 2007

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It’s stupid, but I want one.


2007
04.27

The iGrill

A George Foreman IGrill. Let’s just be glad that Paul Wall didn’t dream up a similar product, otherwise we’d really hear music in our dental fillings!

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The First… Whatever…


2007
04.26

From an article in the New York Times

A ‘First Spouse’ in France? Not Any Time Soon
By ELAINE SCIOLINO
PARIS, April 26 — No matter who wins the presidency of France on May 6, life in the grand, presidential Élysée Palace is destined to change.

There is no future for the role of dutiful partner filled for the past dozen years by Bernadette Chirac, who as first lady has run charities, held dinners and served as a local official in the farming town of Corrèze.

Both presidential candidates are members of unconventional couples.

Ségolène Royal, the Socialist Party candidate, is not married to the father of her four children, François Hollande. But more than that, they are political rivals. As head of the Socialist Party, he was nearly the candidate himself, and says he will try to run in 2012 if Ms. Royal loses this time.

“Certainly, without doubt,” he said Wednesday in an interview on a train from Paris to Nantes. “It’s also a competition between us.”

He added that even if Ms. Royal won the election, he would not be joining her in Élysée Palace for her five-year term.

“I am not the one who is going to be elected,” he said. “If Ségolène Royal wins, my situation doesn’t change. It is Ségolène Royal who has a great responsibility and has to decide what is the best way of exercising it — including where she lives.”

This is not Bill-and-Hillary in 1992, when Bill Clinton told the American people they would be getting “two for the price of one,” pledging that Mrs. Clinton would be a full-time policy-making partner, and perhaps even a cabinet member, in his presidency.

“In France, you don’t need two, you need one,” Mr. Hollande said. “My role is not to be a co-candidate with Ségolène Royal. The candidate must be free and responsible. My role is to help the candidate — but as party secretary, not my private capacity.”

Cécilia Sarkozy, 49, the wife of the front-runner and conservative candidate, Nicolas Sarkozy, has been largely absent from the campaign. Asked how she envisioned her life in 10 years, she replied, “In the United States, jogging in Central Park.”

“I don’t see myself as a first lady,” she said on a popular French television show. “That bores me. I am not politically correct.”

Certainly there have been other instances in the 49-year history of the Fifth Republic in which presidential spouses — and even presidents — did not relish life in Élysée Palace.

Presidents Georges Pompidou, Valéry Giscard d’Estaing and François Mitterrand and their spouses kept their private residences and rarely stayed overnight in Élysée Palace. When the wife of Mr. Giscard d’Estaing, Anne-Aymone, was asked early on what she wanted to do most as first lady, she replied, “To no longer be one.”

But the role is shifting, from a long-suffering pillar of support to a symbol of independence, at a time when the private life of politicians has ever so slightly become part of politics in France.

Mr. Hollande may have already suffered enough. He is the forgotten man of French presidential politics, the one who could have been a contender.

Instead, he has been condemned to a small supporting role: crisscrossing the country to promote Ms. Royal.

He plays the role several ways. He can be loyal and likeable, cool and conflicted, or simply bemused. He has been helped along the way by his natural charm and a sense of humor.

Scanning an article titled “Hollande’s Calvary” in the magazine Le Point, he smiled and said: “If she wins, it’s not a drama. It’s not a comedy, either. It’s a celebration! It’s a success!”

Asked again about his ambitions for 2012, he said: “There will be a competition. It could be Ms. Royal again. It could be others. It could be me.” But he pulled back, adding: “We are not there at the moment. We have to try to win 2007 before thinking about 2012.”

The Royal-Hollande relationship is, to say the least, complicated. The two have been together since they met in the late 1970s as students at the École Nationale d’Administration, the finishing school for France’s political elite. As deputies in Parliament, they have offices linked by a common door.

Even though the two politicians officially share the same home address, they do not seem to coordinate their political messages.

On Monday, the day after Ms. Royal came in second in the first round of the election and qualified for the runoff, Mr. Hollande ruled out any negotiations with François Bayrou, the centrist candidate who came in third.

On the same day, Ms. Royal left a telephone message for Mr. Bayrou proposing a dialogue.

The couple also clashed in January over tax policy, when Mr. Hollande proposed tax increases for workers earning more than $5,200 a month and Mr. Royal rejected the idea.

Those differences help explain why Mr. Hollande says he would be neither Bill Clinton nor Joachim Sauer, the scientist-husband of Chancellor Angela Merkel of Germany. Mr. Sauer was nicknamed Phantom of the Opera because for some time, he was only seen at his wife’s side during performances of Wagner.

“I’m the third way!” he joked.

Mr. Hollande might have been the candidate instead of his partner. But the moment Ms. Royal announced that if the party wanted her, she was ready, she became a media star; he receded into the background.

Their relationship is unclear. Repeatedly throughout the campaign, Ms. Royal has called herself a “free woman.” In an interview last year, she said bluntly, “We are not a couple.”

Asked on Wednesday whether they were a couple, Mr. Hollande replied: “It is not for us to either confirm or deny. Our lives belong to us.”

Ms. Royal has denied rumors that she and Mr. Hollande were living apart, saying in a book of her interviews published in March, “Yes, we are still together, and yes, we still live together.”

Unlike Mr. Hollande, Mrs. Sarkozy has largely stayed away from the campaign trail, even though for much of Mr. Sarkozy’s tenure as a cabinet minister, she worked side by side with him, managing his schedule, his strategy, even his diet.

During the first round of balloting, however, Mrs. Sarkozy suddenly reappeared, accompanying her husband to the polling place.

Mr. Sarkozy said in a recent interview with Le Figaro magazine that he intended to live in Élysée Palace if he were elected. Asked whether his wife would play the role of first lady, he skirted the question.

“You elect a candidate, not a family,” he said. “If I am elected, my wife will play a role. That’s obvious. I was reproached for years for exposing my family. Now I am being asked why I don’t expose it.”

In the last two weeks, the French media has gingerly raised the issue of whether Mrs. Sarkozy has left home, as she did in 2005 when she apparently went off with a prominent public relations executive, returning with a flurry of publicity.

“A wife leaving the marriage has far more serious consequences, both physical and psychological, than some extramarital affair,” Daniel Schneidermann, the media columnist for the left-leaning newspaper Libération, wrote last week.

He was referring to the successful concealment for well over a decade of the existence of Mr. Mitterrand’s daughter Mazarine, who was born out of wedlock.

The columnist called on his fellow journalists to break the code of silence and ask the question that “any American colleague would consider natural: ‘Mr. Sarkozy, there are rumors that your wife has left home. What can you tell us about them?’ ”

Asked whether the Sarkozys were no longer living together, Franck Louvrier, Mr. Sarkozy’s spokesman, declined comment, saying in an e-mail message, “That is a private matter.”

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Tools


2007
04.25

Barry passed this link along to me…

All About Tools
January 4, 2007

1. DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against that freshly painted part you were drying.

2. WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint whorls and hard-earned guitar calluses in about the time it takes you to say, “SHIT!!!”

3. ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age.

4. PLIERS: Used to round off hexagonal bolt heads.

5. HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle: It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

6. VISE GRIP PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

7. OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for setting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside a wheel hub you’re trying to get the bearing race out of.

8. WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or 1/2″ socket you’ve been searching for the last 15 minutes.

9. HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new disk brake pads, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

10. EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 4X4: Used to attempt to lever an automobile upward off a hydraulic jack handle.

11. TWEEZERS: A tool for removing splinters of wood, especially Douglas fir.

12. TELEPHONE: Tool for calling your neighbor to see if he has another hydraulic floor jack.

13. SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for spreading mayonnaise; used mainly for removing dog feces from your boots.

14. E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool that snaps off in bolt holes and is ten times harder than any known drill bit.

15. TWO-TON HYDRAULIC ENGINE HOIST: A handy tool for testing the tensile strength of bolts and fuel lines you forgot to disconnect.

16. CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A large motor mount prying tool that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end without the handle.

17. AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw.

18. TROUBLE LIGHT: The home builder’s own tanning booth. Sometimes called drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, “the sunshine vitamin,” which is not otherwise found under cars at night. Health benefits aside, its main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm howitzer shells might be used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading.

19. PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and squirt oil on your shirt; can also be used, as the name implies, to round off the interiors of Phillips screw heads.

20. AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by hose to an Pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty bolts last tightened 70 years ago by someone at GM, and rounds them off or twists them off.

21. PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

22. HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to cut hoses 1/2 inch too short.

23. HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate expensive parts not far from the object we are trying to hit.

24. MECHANIC’S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on boxes containing upholstered items, chrome-plated metal, plastic parts and the other hand not holding the knife.

So there you have it: a complete description of the tools all men need, and occasionally use correctly.

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Wiki Violence


2007
04.24

I was reading a friend’s online quiz answers, and it asked the question, “What do you think is the worst way to die?” and I knew what my answer would be:

Dying from a “Blood Eagle.”

You may be thinking, “Flip, what exactly is a ‘blood eagle‘?”, so let me first point you to Wikipedia:

The Blood Eagle was reportedly a method of torture and execution that is sometimes mentioned in Norse saga literature. It was performed by cutting the ribs of the victim by the spine, breaking the ribs so they resembled blood-stained wings, and pulling the lungs out. Salt was sprinkled in the wounds.

However, the best definition is this one from urbandictionary.com because of the example given:

One of the more barbaric tortures of the Ancient Norse style. The victim would either be cut down the front (a la disembowlment) and the ribs would be seperated, leaving the chest cavity open and unprotected. The other possible method was that the victim was cut from behind, the torturer digging his hands into the victim’s torso and to the front, and seperating the ribs in such a way that they came out through his back, giving the illusion of wings, and thus a “bloody eagle”.

Although this is a grusome fate, it was almost humane in that it gave nearly instant death, if not from shock then from bloodloss. Other methods of torture were meant to keep the victim alive and suffering. For example, one way was to put hot coals in the backs of the knees and elbows, burning the tendons, and tying the limbs in a manner that they would be completely flexed, so that they would heal in that way and the victim would be left with functionless limbs.

Mr. Craig: And in the year 512 elephants from New Orleans ravaged the Plains of Normandy though the French King Henry VII did much to appease them.
Joe: Damn it, Mr. Craig, that never happened.
Mr. Craig: Mr. Palombit, if you interrupt me once more I will blood eagle you.
Joe:… (Horrified silence)

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Not the cool uncle?


2007
04.24

The Onion:  Area Man Realizes He’s Not The Cool Uncle