The Flip Medley

Ingredients:

1 “big” can of Starkist tuna
Miracle Whip (hey, it’s tangier than bland ol’ mayo)
Vlasic pickle relish
Onion
Pepper
Wheat bread

Step 1:
Get all your ingredients ready to rumble, then crack open a can of tuna, drain the excess fluid from the wound, and pour it in to a bowl.

Step 2:
Drop some Miracle Whip on top of the tuna. If you can get it all off the spoon without having to scrape it off with another spoon, or resorting to licking it off, you score bonus points and defeated the Laws of Physics.




Step 3:
Now do the same with the pickle relish. I know it probably sounds bad, but belive me… the pickle relish adds some “Whack! I just took your lunch money!”-attitude to the flavor. Oh, and throw some coarse ground pepper in there, too!






Step 4:
Yeah, I know. Single guys should be all kissably fresh. However, it’s almost 9pm on a Saturday night, and I know I’m not going out. So bring on the onions!






Step 5:
Mix it all together by hand, all the while making “WeeeEEeeeeeeEEeee!!!!”-noises to simulate the sound of a high-speed food procesor.








Step 6:
Now lay out your bread and spread the tuna on it…






Step 7:
Make sure to add something semi-healthy as a dessert because you’ve been eating badly all day.

Ingredients:

1 package of Purdue Chicken Nuggets
Some store-bought Amish Potato Salad
Some store-bought dinner rolls
A Diet Coke (with Lime, for added zest)
Tabasco sauce
Slap Ya Mama seasoning

Step 1:
Microwave 7-10 nuggets on a plate.

Step 2:
Splash Tabasco sauce on the chicken nuggets. I like my food the way I like my women, so the hot sauce is just a start…

Step 3:
…because you need to apply a health dose of Slap Ya Mama seasoning.

Step 4:
Scoop out some potato salad on to the plate.

Step 5:
And drop two rolls on the plate to make sure we’re getting as many carbs as possible crammed into this one meal.