Why were were fighting the Gamilons? Well, they had decided to bombard Earth and poison our world with “planet bombs”, marking the first time WMDs were used in anime (Okay, probably not, but I’m given to hyperbole here people!). The main thing to note is that they were led by an evil leader named Desslok, who always seemed to be a little different from the other male characters on the show.

Anyways, the earthlings received a transmission from Queen Starsha of Iscandar along with plans for a wave-motion engine to propel them at ungodly speeds through space, and a wave-motion “gun” to shoot their enemies, bolted them on to the old Japanese warship Yamato, and set off on a one year journey though space to receive a cure for all that ailed the Earth, and to deal with the evil Gamilons.

Fast forward twenty plus years…

A few months ago, I found out “Star Blazers” was now available on DVD. So I ordered the first DVD, and watched it… and now I find myself consumed with questions about the show, such as…

Why does everyone (except the doctor) wear a shirt with arrows pointing towards their naughty bits?

Is this weirder than the people who wear Star Trek uniforms? With the little logos on them?

Sometimes a spaceship is just a spaceship, but… after watching that video, I’m pretty sure that this spaceship is intended to be a penis. Watch. The. Video. (and try not to laugh at the dialogue!)

Keep in mind that the spaceship Yamato, when confronted by enemies, typically dispatched them by ramping up the wave motion gun and spraying them with a beam of pure white energy. I will let you draw your own conclusions about the show from that one, but seriously — watch the video if you think I’m being silly.

Is Desslok gay?
It’s obvious Desslok is given an effeminate voice (in the English version), but after watching the Tribute To Desslok (YouTube) (weird, disturbing theme music until about 1:26 in to the video when you can finally hear him speak in English), I found myself really wondering what was going on with the primping in front of the big mirror (0:41), and the massage he’s getting from the other blue guy (0:54). Actually, I guess the real reason I think he’s gay is because of this website devoted to him.

Are all the people who watched this show as a kid capable of such cruelty to their children? My God, this show is warping another generation of children! THINK OF THE CHILDREN!

I’ve been enjoying the movie “25th Hour“, which has a moment of pure chemistry between a 17-year old student (played by Anna Paquin) and her teacher (Philip Seymour Hoffman). The acting, the direction, and in glorious surround sound, the soundtrack of the fictional “DJ Dusk” makes for a beautiful moment of pure chemistry and intentional seduction that plays out with more intensity than any other cinematic interpretation of the Lolita story I’ve seen.

Wow.

Guys are all the same — whether they are in wheelchairs, running around hitting each other, or driving cars way too fast. We’re all the same, and if you don’t believe me, well… just watch the damn movie.

Highly recommended, and required viewing for anyone who wants to understand the male psyche.

We both go rolling out of our garages on four wheels, it’s just that when he does it, he’s a hell of a lot more athletic.

[David and Cal Playing a videogame]

Cal: You’re *gay* now?
David: No, I’m not gay I’m just celibate.
Cal: I think? I mean, that sounds ga- I just want you to know this is like the first conversation of like three conversations that leads to you being gay. Like… there’s this and then in a year it’s like, “Oh you know, I kinda wanna, ya know, get back out there but I think I like guys” and then there’s the big, “Oh I’m I’m a g-gay guy now”.
David: You’re gay for saying that.
Cal: I’m gay for saying that?
David: You know how I know you’re gay?
Cal: How? How do you know I’m gay?
David: Because you macramed yourself a pair of jean shorts.
Cal: You know how I know *you’re* gay? You just told me you’re not sleeping with women any more.
David: You know how I know that you’re gay?
Cal: How? Cuz you’re gay? and you can tell who other gay people are.
David: You know how I know you’re gay?
Cal: How?
David: You like Coldplay.

David: You know how I know that you’re gay?
Cal: How?
David: You like the movie “Maid in Manhattan”.
Cal: You know how I know *you’re* gay?
David: How?
Cal: I saw you make a spinach dip in a loaf of sour dough bread once.
David: You know how I know that you’re gay?
Cal: How?
David: You have a rainbow bumpersticker on your car that says “I love it when *balls* are in my face”.
Cal: That’s *gay*?

[David loses second match]

David: Goddamnit!
Cal: I’m ripping your head off right now. It’s off, and *now* I’m throwing it at your body.
[shouts]
Cal: Fuck you!
David: Aww.

Simple.

Watch the “Frogtown” trilogy.

There’s “Hell Comes To Frogtown“, starring Rowdy Roddy Piper. The plot? After a nuclear war, only one man in the USA is still virile enough to help repopulate the nation. With his gear now under lockdown by the United States Government, he is tasked with copulating with all the remaining fertile American women he can find. But wait! There’s a complication… these women are being held by giant, mutant frogs!.

Then there’s “Frogtown II“, which one IMDB user descibes as follows:

By the time “Toad Warrior: Frogtown III“, no one even went to see it. Oh, I bet cable networks probably used it as filler, when no paying infomercials wanted the banwidth, but… geez… wow… I think this must be an amazing suckfest of a movie.

Strangely (Sadly?)… this “trilogy” has a fourth installement, kind of like how the “Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy” trilogy really isn’t a trilogy…

In 2002, they made “Max Hell Comes To Frogtown“, which apparently no one saw. Or wants to admit they saw. It even stars a porn star, Jill Kelly. And still no one went to see it.

These movies suck spectacularly.

Which is why, of course, I have to see ‘em…

…is from “American Psycho“. Here’s the exchange between Patrick Bateman (played by Christian Bale), and his fiancée, Evelyn Williams (Reese Witherspoon):

I don’t know what’s more disturbing. The movie… or the fact that I laugh hysterically while watching it.

I’ve probably watched it five times in the past seven days, and I can’t get tired of it. It’s the type of movie I enjoy sharing with folks because it stimulates a deep conversation. I understand it is a very polarizing movie, and I attribute this to several things.

1) There are edits where you have to piece together from the dialog that time has moved forward a few months or even a year, and that the characters have changed in some fundamental way. I think that most movies spoon-feed us the plot, but this is more like a play in that between “acts” there can be a lot of implied activity.

2) None of the characters are heroic. I’d say the closest to a protagonist you can cheer for in this movie is Larry (played by Clive Owen), and he’s not exactly a pillar of the community or a mountain of respectability.

3) All the scenes of Natalie Portman in the buff were cut after a lot of hoopla about them. No, they did not make it on to the extras on the DVD either. (I checked, like any red-blooded male would. Nope. Maybe there’s an Easter Egg of some kind where said scene can be found, but I am sure a lot of (disappointed) folks were looking for nudify and never got a chance to appreciate a good plot.

Definitely worth a rental (at the minimum). It’s like watching a slow-motion car wreck of four people in relationships with each other, and while at points the plot may appear simplistic, the writing keeps it from becoming trite. Natalie Portman and Clive Owen put in some amazing performances, and I’d argue that Jude Law does a sublime turn as the naive and manipulative Danny, who can alwasy be the seduce a woman, but can’t quite find it in his heart to forgive…

Two enthusiastic thumbs up, and I think there isn’t a man alive who won’t laugh hysterically at Clive Owen’s one-upsmanship of Jude Law during their confrontation in his office when he delivers lines like daggers. There’s a smoothness and a perfection to how he breaks him down that is uniquely male.